Earth Day Victory: ‘Deep Pledges to Reduce White Sock Wearing to Save the Planet

 
SAN FRANCISCO, April 20 – In a stunning victory for local dark-sock activists, the ‘Deep administration announced that it will begin phasing out wearing white socks with pants. “Here at ‘Deep, we take saving the planet very seriously and our White Sock Reduction Initiative is one of numerous efforts to meet our ambitious goals.” said ‘Deep, a spokesperson for the administration. The administration announced that it would begin purchasing more black socks, and reducing its wearing of white socks, unless it was wearing shorts, saying “Shorts and black socks just don’t work.” When asked about the remarkable reversal of its decades long policy, the ‘Deep administration spokesman said only “once the link between global warming, the current mass extinction event and our socks was made clear, we had to act.”

Local activists hailed the initiative and celebrated their victory while disagreeing on why they succeeded. “Our strategy of consistent nagging got the ‘Deep administration to look carefully at its sock choice” said Tom Radulovich, director of Nag For Progress. While Amy Laitnen of Better Straight Men Period, recounted asking a passing young lady about ‘Deep’s socks at a local breakfast eatery and said “I think it was our strategic use of attractive women combined with public shaming that really carried the day.” Added Wes Radulovich, “It has been a long road, but I think well worth it. The others can claim what they like, but personally I think the blunt force trauma was what did it.”